3.1

I dream of still sleepy morning. Perfect morning. Yet adrenalin dogs are still following me. And that eternal sun in the eyes. I remember it would feel like that in some days of my childhood. Little steps towards the undiscovered hope.
Unknown people find me. Again. Out of the feeling. Out of the eternal silence.

And the feeling is as if the dream is coming true. As if it was the last temptation of Judas. That this is for real and that the skin discovered the perfect sound of touching.

Everything is as if it was perfect.
Because I don't even remember that much. Everything passes. Dissolves faster than the clouds on the surface of the still water.

But the feeling is still there. The knowing that everything is continues. And I feel. And we do. And the knowing knits the knot.

To be continued.
Because the emotion remembers the silence. And the sun on the same surface of the same water.

We repeat the mantra. Second person in the reality que. Spinning city in someone elses palms. I open my eyes and can feel the sunlight. We remain friends. Like watching Formula One race cars moving at 30 km an hour. I open my eyes and the world is still here. Faster if you would think of rain.
Picture perfect loneliness.
Picture perfect. All three of them. Only one by one. For now. For a while. Because nothing goes. Nothing goes by. Nothing.
Because numbers that goes after comma are always (not) perfectly pictures a big maybe next to the peaceful knowing. Your and mine. And for me.

my blueberry nights

That time without the end. Without goodbyes.
When you forget to say farewell or maybe you don't need to remember how to come back?

I believed. In you, in me. In all those words we never pronounced.
Everything remained to be hanging just a little bit lower than the ceiling. Ceiling of the room with a crocked mirror next to the door. Door that would lead to the hall where I would always feel a little bit uneasy. You always knew this therefore would try to step faster.

And now I only remember. Only think of it. Only think again and again and I say that I miss. Miss that lightness. The lightness of not being. While being together.
And you ask me, what? What do I think? What do I say? What would I say if it all was different?..
I know. Probably we both think of the same. Of what if. What if we would have been talking more. If we would have not been scared. What if we would have simply acknowledged each other.
Because now you only ask what do I think? What do I think of what -- longing. Silence. Strangeness?..

And only now. Only now we can be more honest, a little bit more daring to admit. Maybe only now. Maybe in a year. In nine weeks. When we will meet. Maybe then, when you will hug me for real...

dancer in the dark

The sound of my stilettos on the wet pavement. City smells like autumn. City gets quiet before the night. Total silence. Total stillness. When you breath in. When you become quiet.
I walk and I can feel my heart pounding. Faster and faster. Faster than I can count to ten. Faster than I can remember how it was for the first time. Then I only was waiting for the silence. And sun was playing on my face, my hair. I recognised him from the feeling. Recognised from how not recognisable he was. And stayed. We both remained the same - came across each other but never came to know each other.

He received me with a look of amazement.
So much time. So much of (not)waiting... So many goodbyes. Loud ones and even more silenced ones, which stop at the corner of the lip, at the corner of white sheets of paper.

He enumerated be and I became his equation. His theorem. Unsolvable secret.

We created each other out of fragments of words, pieces of looks, out of sunny summer air and never ending touches.

Morning always would come too soon. Most sensitive corners of the body of the soul... little areas of the skin and the silence. Dancers in the dark.

We were breathing and together we suffocated. We were dreaming that pregnant passion. That reckless passion and feeling that never were given birth to. Sometime, before were woke up. Because we understood each other. Almost.



Most beautiful goodbyes - not pronounced.
Most beautiful hellos - ones you have been waiting for.

I knew it then. And most probably you knew it too. We stopped breathing, exchanged the looks and suffocated.
I stopped being scared. You stopped looking.
So we remained.
Together. (Still) undiscovered.