just a girl (gone wild)

And now I know.
I never worried about getting here.
It just happened.
As it always does.
I feel in love. I lost it. I dreamt of a beautiful life we could have and then two days later it all went away. I cant believe it. I cant receive it but then again this is the truth.

All those nights all those talks. All those difficult moments. The phone calls. The dreams. The hopes, the fears.

And here I am. Once again. Its the same path.
Its the same idea I cannot swallow.
And then again I feel beautiful.
I need to be loved.

you fire

You spin your fire as if there was no life. I dream my life away.
And so it comes.

You breathe my fire. And those moments are the moments I want to run. Running is the thing I know. Running is the way I practiced for so long.
But I cant stay away. I cant play a game I know so well.

You will know how deep I go.

head in the clouds

I know nothing of the ways you used to be. I only know of fire that you can handle so well. I only know the ways I can come to your soul and stay.

I wonder.
I worry.
I let go.
I know that the only way to stay is to let go.
As I always did. This is the moment. This is the beauty.

All my life I rushed and I wondered. I wanted to burn burn burn. And now I know. Not being together, not having clear lines is as clear as it gets. And that rocks. That puts that silver lining to my silver days. And silver is gray.
There is now white or black magic. There is love. A lot of love that makes me what to fly.

trouble on fire

All this beautiful rain and my choices. I dream. I breathe. I wish it was so much less different. And its beautiful.
I am going out of my mind. I am dying little by little.

Trouble.
You should say its your second name but all I know is your sensitive ways. Your quiet messages and dreams that come true.

I dont want to let you go. Amen.

Fine and chain.

This feeling. Like the one you have before you fall asleep. A church of sleep. A church of everything is different and nothing is the same.
I wait. I waited for so long.
They are making love and sometimes I forget what is desire. If it goes before so many words in the dictionary or if crazy takes first places.

I miss that desire. That feeling of running. Of waking up in a different place, different altitude. Different emotion to breathe. To love. To create what others call life.

And then I understand. I have been running away from that and to that at the same time it was just an empty feeling. Its just a spinning feeling. Its a cycle of nothing new and everything is magic.
Is this what we call content? Am I a woman to wake up and teach the world of joy?

I never know whats behind the drapes. I never knew how to call the dreams that never end up once I wake up. Once I call them names. Once everything is over but still oh-so-real. So I dream more. So I create cities of dreams, of moments, of twinkling ideas. Its like you are one step closer to the sun. And I burn. You cant burn out if you dont taste the fire. Just like that.

My dreams now are of fire. Dreams of different moments in the same life. Reincarnation of the soul at once.


All those stories. All those women within me.
DOnt wake me up.

fire

I wonder how does this happen. How feelings and emotions just stop existing. Leaving you all empty. All alone. All so abandoned. All so wishing for more. For outside this space and outside this time. And it only makes sense with someone else even if you have made your bed, you have made your choice and it is still haunting you.

I wonder wonder now how life is so full and so empty at the same time. I dream of mornings that dont wake me up with longing. Longing for more. Longing for deeper things. For better people. For people who stay. WHo dream. Who wake up next to you and dont want to leave.

People who travel with you accross the oceans. Accross the seas. Accross your own imagination and dreams.


She says after smelling the flowers - I will tell him ----
I am a runner. I wonder if I could. I wonder if I should because its all I long for. Someone to belong to and someone to run far away with.

I make love to you. I make all the dreams come true. I realize how little I know about the fire that you burn. How little do you know about the circus that I grew up at.
And yet -- it is still the hat that fits. For now. The fire is burning.

Changes

This room is getting smaller. I dream.
I dream of something to come.

Its too late to go back. The only way is forward. The only way is up. I dream of you. Of your skin touching mine. And it makes me - if - just a little happier. Just a little more content. A little less suicidal.
I want to believe in something I was so scared of. And so aware of.


Dont jump if you dont know how to swim. I never did. I always drowned.
I drowned and was always brought to the shores by other forces.
Magic.



Never real life.





Its time to build a new reality.