Well, my love, I'm trying to make sense of things...
of how I was, and how I am now.
I have always believed our first duty is to ourselves... to live life to the full.
But I have also been haunted by another conviction... that everything is preordained, lying in wait... and time is running out.
I seem to have charged through my life in a kind of panic. And looking back...
I feel I have achieved little of worth beyond our friendship: yours and mine, and Mia's.
Then one day I woke... and found I had lost the two people I cared for most. Only then did I begin to realize that we cannot live alone, aloof from the world... and that to believe we cannot fight
against fate is an act of surrender.
You were right when you said that once I cared for your opinion of me... but wrong in thinking I ever stopped caring.
I love you.
Some time ago.. don't even remember when exactly, I had to learn how to say goodbye. How to say farewell. Farwell to places, faces, emotions and very commonly - people. I guess you can't learn those things to the fullest. To that little red line mark... Sometime ago, don't even remember when, I had to learn of not letting go the trust in miracles. I still have to pinch myself to return that feeling. Those kind of feelings never are big. They simply land in your little pocket very close to the knowing that everything is going to be OK. Mornings are so fresh. White wind lifting even whiter curtains. And the city. It only becomes like that during the summer heat. Full of feeling, full of hope. Summer is the time for lovers. For kisses just before the train departs, newspapers full of nothing and coffee. All those little little things that promise better things to be coming...
